Like many people, I’ve recently discovered Facebook and have been meeting up with people that I haven’t seen or even thought about in years. Okay, okay, decades. I admit it, I’m not as young as I used to be. That being said, it’s a little bit tough for me because I have such a bad memory. Actually, depending on context, I have an excellent memory. When it comes to trivia and technology and science and nature and facts and figures and anything outside the social realm of human beings and relationships, I’m an elephant. I’m no Ken Jennings but I definitely curse the people on some of these quiz shows for being idiots and wish that I could make $50k in one sitting just for answering some easy questions.
It’s funny how memory works. I think lots of people have way better memories than I do but it’s like I have maybe a 5 year moving window outside of which my memories are pretty vague. I wonder if it’s because I’ve lived in so many different places – the more groups of people you associate with over the years, the harder it is to pin down some of the old groups. That’s probably just bullshit but I like to make excuses for myself since I’m too young to have Alzheimer’s. 😉
Going back to Facebook, the problem is that I remember high school people if I see their names or pictures but if you asked me to come up with a list, I’d pretty much draw a blank. It’s a good thing people are finding me because I’d probably never have been able to on my own. It’s pretty neat though. It brings back memories that I had thought were long gone. Mostly band since that was about the only social thing I did in high school. Maybe my memory is bad because high school wasn’t that much fun for me being the awkward geek that I am.
I’ve been thinking about death quite a bit lately. I’m not entirely sure why. Perhaps it’s because I have a few more aches and pains now and I’m not quite as fast or strong as I once was so I think that this is pretty much as good as it’s ever going to be from now on. I’m on the way down, not on the way up, at least in physical terms.
Going back to the original point, I woke up this morning with a flash of insight, perhaps not for anyone else, but for me anyway. I was lying there about to go back to sleep for a bit and I thought, death must be pretty much like going to sleep and going to sleep is generally a pretty pleasant thing so I suppose it’s not so bad that you don’t wake up afterwards. How would you know anyway? Would it be any different than the hundreds of other times that you’ve gone to sleep?
Of course my mind can never leave things alone so I thought about what it would be like to die sick or in pain. That doesn’t sound quite so pleasant. It might be a relief to finally get a break from the pain that must eat up your consciousness but I doubt it’s very nice getting to that point. I think that if I were so sick that I wanted to die, I would want someone to make it as pleasant as possible for me. I’ve occasionally been so sick that I would have done just about anything to not feel that way anymore. Obviously I got better and, at the time, I knew that I would so I didn’t actually wish for death but imagine if you were that sick and you knew, much like I know that my physical skills are at their peak, that it was never going to get any better.
Dying only happens once and it seems a shame to waste it with pain and sickness. I sure hope that I have some loved one who is willing to slip me a little something to ease the way for me. If not, I hope the laws change so that we can at least demand as much mercy as we give our pets.
Have I mentioned how much I love my macro lens? Here’s a rose from our garden.